Do you believe that most people are inherently decent, loyal, loving and are looking for you just as ardently as you are looking for them? There may be several factors that are holding you back from the resumption of dating.
As hard as it may be, and while you certainly should not trust in a blindly haphazard fashion, you must have the ability to trust the people you introduce into your life, rather than judge them on any wrongdoings of those in your past. Otherwise known as Analysis Paralysis, these factors may include the fear of experiencing another loss by divorce or death, the fear of intimacy and vulnerability or the fear of being hurt again.
After all, you are a good person and you did not deserve the pain that you are going through.
Sadly however, many choose to stay "in the angry" or "in the bitter" to the point that they are unable or unwilling to move forward from a place of pain to a place of peace.
Clients come to me with these limiting ideas about dating, love and men, and it’s my job to help them turn things around.
Working with me, women transform the lies to create opportunities. I hope reviewing these lies opened your mind to new ways of looking at dating over 40.
Rather than simply trying to fill the huge void left by a spouse; you are instead opening your heart to the possibilities of a new relationship that will complement an already-fulfilling life. If you do not feel quite ready yet, take a step back, remember that "today" does not mean "forever" and take more time out for you. Should you learn from your past experiences in order to avoid repeating history? Should you automatically suspect everyone you meet in the future based upon what has happened in the past? To make the unilateral decision that, unfairly condemns an entire species because of the actions of a few losers.That's fine of course -- but don't use the previous person as a "yardstick" against which you are measuring prospective dates.For example, it is unfair to start sentences with, because absolutely nobody "always" did something right or "never" did anything wrong. Are you content with yourself on your own without being one-half of a couple or dependent upon children to fill up your time?Once I found love, I dedicated my life to helping single women over 40 make that dream come true for them as well.Since I found love, and many of my clients have too, I know you can do it!It just may not be quite time for you to begin dating...know when the time to begin dating is right, if you simply listen to and trust in yourself -- and just as with a bruise, eventually, that tender spot in your heart does heal. Carole's latest book, has won the prestigious Books for a Better Life Award.The resolution of lingering anger is an important step before the resumption of dating. The Ability to Leave the "Ghost of Relationship Past"...in the Past We all tend to have "selective amnesia" when it comes to our previous relationships; remembering only the good in the people no longer in our lives and the wonderful memories that we will have always.By all means, honor, keep and treasure the beautiful memories that you have; however, in order to both be fair to and enjoy someone new, you need to be able to put the Ghost of Relationship Past in its proper place. This means a life that is yours alone; a life that is individually gratifying in its own right. As a society, we are accustomed to either traveling in packs or with a spouse or significant other; however, you be content with your own company both within your four walls and in the outside world. I once dated a man who had not recovered from being broken up with in high school -- This gentleman made a conscious decision to be emotionally unavailable to anyone else because of one prior bad experience (in high school, no less).Do you have your own career, your own hobbies, your own pursuits, your own set of friends with whom you play sports, lunch, drink or dine? This contentment will enable you to make wise decisions in your dating choices and when you do choose to introduce someone new into your life, it will be for all of the right reasons. Your emotional availability will have everything to do with two things; the amount of time that you have spent recovering from your divorce or the death of your spouse and your willingness to make yourself emotionally available.