I’m not really speaking of finances or opening doors.
Because that’s all very unique to each couple, their circumstances and their comfort levels. How does a femme let another femme know they’re interested?
The side of self-acceptance is so much sweeter than the side of conformity — despite the sweeping generalizations and crazy misconceptions that constantly swing your way when you let your femme flag fly. ” I asked once again as I slugged back my house wine. ” She laughed like she had drawn the most obvious conclusion in the world. Let's do the math here: The intimidatingly brazen woman in the designer blazer who insisted on only drinking the top shelf vodka, who also happened to be sporting a watch the same price as a down payment on a house, was saying she thought me, the smiley 20-year-old in the cheap dress clumsily sipping her cheap wine, was a I can't tell you how shocked my ex-girlfriend was to learn how fired up I get about politics when we first started dating.“I just didn't think you would be so radical!My full hair and makeup are complete before you've even finished blow-drying your side bangs.I don't where the rumor comes from, but somehow it's circulated that girly girls don't have a work ethic.When really, in my experience, girly girls tend to have an insanely impressive work ethic, one that exceeds all genders and stereotypes. When I think about it, they treat the girls in dresses like bimbos."(Disclaimer: I'm in no way saying masculine-presenting women have it any easier than feminine-presenting women.Do you know much hustle is required in order to be taken seriously in the workplace when your feet are strapped into platform, patent leather Mary Jane shoes? I'm also not declaring that every work environment favors masculine energy, or that every masculine-presenting woman is teeming with male privilege. And every girl, regardless of her sexual orientation, has to face her own unique set of hardships. You can wear all the crop tops in the world, you can paint your lips in the hottest shade of PINK lipstick ever created, and still be an ambitious boss who pays her own way in this world.I guess what I’m trying to say, is even if you’re femme who’s into other femmes, it’s likely that one of you will be the aggressor and the other will be more passive. If you’re both passive, then how on earth will you ever get together? Well, the first thing I learned (a little late) was to ask some questions first.Figure out if the femme you’re eyeing is open to dating other femmes or is she hard core into butches and only butches? A coffee date is the universal signal for “let’s see if we click before we get stuck together on a long drawn out, awkward date.” Since it’s always confusing about who pays when two femmes are dating, the best bet is to go with the rule, whoever asks the other one out, pays.“I've never experienced discrimination because of my gender in the workplace,” a more masculine-presenting female friend of mine once revealed over a confessional glass of wine.“Well, yeah, that's because you look amazing in pantsuits and talk sports with the boys," I blurted. This is just experience as a femme living in New York City in 2017, baby.)“I don't know. ” a date once said to me when I explained to her that I spent the day studying analytics, editing longform articles and brushing up on my SEO knowledge. I gaze into the mirror every single day and thank my higher power (Lana Del Rey) for making me gay. But that doesn't mean we're safe from the insulting tropes about feminine women. Loving pretty things doesn't mean you're not putting in hours of grueling work."I didn't know you worked so hard."“If only,” I muttered, thinking about the gruesome hours it takes to write a well-written viral article, plus the hours of coaching yourself to not be crushed and terrified by the sexist cyberbullies who write you lovely private messages like "I hope you get raped and die," only to be paid significantly less than your male counterparts for the same job, but who, of course, don't deal with a fraction of the daily harassment and abuse from internet trolls. When I go the lesbian bar with other girls adorned in frilly dresses, there tends to be a collective shock when the femmes say they're CEOs, doctors and lawyers. And it really just goes to show that no matter what scene you're in, whom you're attracted to, or how marginalized of a community you are, femininity is still all too often seen as less powerful, less monied, and less intelligent than masculinity. After all, my collection of Kat Von D Everlasting Liquid Lipstick doesn't pay for itself.There are some queer gal problems that are unique to being a femme, and by that I include any feminine-presenting lesbian, bi or otherwise not-straight-identified women. Sometimes your girlfriend doesn’t want to be the Tom Cruise in the relationship and suggests some flats. There are certain things that come along with having long hair, preferring dresses or standards of beauty that are seen as “acceptable” by mainstream society. (Pro tip: Compromise and go with the kitten heels.)3. Because queer women are women, too, and unfortunately, women can fall prey to insecurities, jealousy and general sassiness.